Today was the first day I actually said that phrase countless times. 

I didn’t know it’d be so tiring. 

I freaking miss you, but I know I’m just making things worse between us. Here are the thoughts that went through my head throughout the day: 

• Solvents. Solutes. Dissolving. Maybe I can dissolve myself in some acid or some shit. Molarity. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and I really don’t give a shit. 
• Shit. I left my umbrella in the library. 
• Text message. Should I read it, or- ok then….. 
• Oh. How ironic. Ms. Hadi’s talking about getting run over by a bus. I hope I get run over by a bus tomorrow. Let’s see if you still need a breather from me by then. 
• I just want to go home. 
• I’m sorry, Jam. 
• I want to fall asleep forever and never wake up. 
• What did my mom put in my sandwich…. Why isn’t she answering her phone. I need to know if this is mayonnaise or not…… 
• I hate my life. I hate your stupid text messages. 
• “I’m so lucky that you’re my best friend!” Bullfuckingshit. 
• You’re the last person I thought would ever do this to me. You, out of everyone in the whole fucking world, know that even though I’m fucking loud and annoying as shit, I’m still one of the most sensitive people on this fucking planet. 
• “I love you more than Marlin loved Nemo, and more than Americans love football.” More bullshit. 
• Like 10 different people: “Hey, you ok?” Me: “Yeah, I’m just tired.” 
• Why won’t you just talk to me. 
• I just want to go home and cry myself to sleep while listening to depressing songs. 
• English. Where’s Hannah? I need a hug from her. Because she gives the best hugs ever. Yeah, more than your fucking hugs that don’t mean shit anymore. 
• Practice. I should start my chemistry homework. 
• Home. I don’t want to go to CCD. I’m too tired and I just don’t have time to go there anymore. 
• Shower. I still love you. I’m sorry that I said those words to you in my head. You’ll never hear them, but I’m still really sorry. I just want you to talk to me again. 

Today was shit. Good night.